Amazing Grace

Monday, March 28, 2016 0 Comments
Amazing grace, How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I am found, 
Was blind, but now I see.

My relationship with Guillain Barré is a confusing one. How can I be grateful for something that took my ability away to do EVERYTHING. The thing that drug me through hell. The thing that caused the people who make this life worth living so much grief.

But some how... Some way I am. The song Amazing Grace really speaks to me about my journey. Guillain Barré was my grace or it showed me my grace. I was truly lost in life before I got sick. I was alive but I wasn't living. I didn't appreciate what I had. It wasn't unlike me to be complaining about something. Now looking back, my life was pretty amazing. But like most people, I just didn't appreciate it because I never had to fight for it. 

Guillain Barré took my sight for 5 weeks but since then it has showed me so much. It has shown me what and who matter. It has taught me sometimes it's ok to let go of some people and who is truly worth hanging onto.

It broke me down in so many ways. But it also built me up in ways I never dreamed of. I know the only reason I didn't loose my sanity is because of His grace. How else did I survive not just physicaly but mentally. When I think back on the first month or so in the various hospitals it seems like a nightmare. More people than I can count have told me that they don't know how I handled that and that they never could. I would say the same thing if the shoe was on the other foot because I still don't know how I did it. Not without the grace of God.

How ironic is it that ultimately having this chronic illness saved me.