"Give me strength when I'm standing and faith when I fall

Saturday, February 20, 2016 1 Comments
"Give me strength when I'm standing and faith when I fall" these lyrics have so much meaning to me. My grandma Virgie past away in January of 2014. Prior to her passing I have always loved that song but it meant even more after she died.

I planned on getting those lyrics tattooed on my foot as a reminder and a tribute to my grandma.

I never got a chance to get that tattoo. In early December 2014 I ended up with a sinus and ear infection... I never imagined that it would turn into so much more and change my life as well as everyones around me.

On December 12th I was admitted into the hospital. After dozens of tests and my rapid decline I was diagnosed with Guillain Barré Syndrome with the AMSAN variant. In a matter of hours I lost my ability to do everything; open my eyes, swallow the massive amounts of spit I was producing, walk, talk, breath... Everything but move my thumbs...

My thumbs became my lifeline. My only way to communicate. I would wiggle my right thumb for yes and left for no... I'm so lucky to have such an amazing husband who's number one priority was me. He made sure that ultimately I was the one to make all of the decisions. The doctors would present him with a plan and he would either have them tell me or he would. They would then ask me yes or no questions... Months down the road a doctor that I dubbed "Dr. Wackadoo" could not believe that I made all those decisions and I guess expected me to be a vegetable and have no "say" in the care I received even tho I was full aware of everything... I think that was the worst part.

Those who know me, know that above all, my favorite things to do is eat, talk and sleep... If that's not you ultimate nightmare, it should be. When I started to deteriorate, my amazing neurological Doctor told me that things would get bad and scary, but I was not going to die and that I would be ok... Bless that man. Without those words who knows how my story would have played out. 

There were 3 times I thought that "this is it, I'm going to die." I didn't see a white light but I really thought that it was the "end". But then the words that sweet doctor said popped in my head and I knew I would be alright. That God had a plan and was not done with me yet. So I would say my prayers and repeat sayings and lyrics.

"Give me strength when I'm standing and faith when I fall" those words mean more time now than ever. I'm 14 months from being admitted to the hospital. I was completely paralyzed in 72 hours. Spent 4 1/2 months in various hospitals/rehabs relearning to do everything... And I mean everything. I can now walk around the house and short distances with a walker. 

As much as I hate this process- patience has never been my virtue... In grateful for it. I can't wait for the day that I ditch all of the medical equipment that scatters our home. To jump out of a vehicle and not wait for someone to grab my chair or walker... But I just have to trust in the plan.

I still have plans to get those beloved lyrics tattooed some where on my body. But since GBS caused me to have extremely sensitive skin (neuropathy) especially on my feet I'll just continue to repeat those words to myself every time I'm presented with a challenge.